This weekend our best friends at church told us they would be leaving our church and going to a new one. They were the backup leaders of our small group and had been in our small group for the past 3 years. She even threw a welcome baby party for Matthew when he was born. I was sad to hear they were leaving our church.
Why?
When asked their reasons were trivial.
So why then? Why do people church hop?
1. A lack of long-term commitment. When we look at our culture there is a lack of long-term commitment. Any long-term commitment - in jobs, careers, marriages, relationships, houses, cars, and yes even churches. We are not immune either!
2, We are always looking for something new. Of course when you go to a new church it is new and exciting. Of course when you buy a new house it is new and exciting. The same old thing becomes boring and humdrum and we want NEW!
3. We have become too critical. The band is too loud (seriously...), I'm not getting fed (I'm a particular fan of this one - whose job is this anyway?), I don't trust the pastor's leadership anymore (huh?), the children's program was not what it once was (be the change you want to see in the world). I have actually heard all of these reasons.
I'm convinced that a pastor's job is the most difficult, most stressful job you can have. How can a pastor not take this personally when families come and go?
How do you build a network of relationships, strong believers, and accountability when we are so transient?
I don't know.
I wish I had the answer.
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8 comments:
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This is so me. I am a church hopper, and I think I have used all the excuses you mentioned. It is always someone else not providing me what I think I need. You are right, where is my accountibility? I say I want it and then get defensive when people hold me accountable!
Missy
I don't know Gina. I agree with your comments about commitment not being as important to people now. But if there is not a feeling of commitment, then what? In the context of church, you can either keep reinventing yourself, which effectively limits depth, or work on building deep relationships and risk people thinking it gets stale.
I don't know the right answer. However, I do have to say, if more people were like me and had ADHD, then everything would always seem new and exciting. There, problem solved! :)
I'm going to stop there because I feel like anything else I say is going to be more rambling than anything else.
So what is the answer for a modern-day church? We can try to keep it fresh so it doesn't get stale, keep people more involved and connected to others. Then again - we could just assume that people are going to leave no matter what we do. I wish I knew the answer! Maybe we all need ADHD....can you get me some prozac David? Will that give me ADHD?
Maybe people just aren't finding the answers they are seeking ... but don't want to give up the faith they have and want to hold on to?
My favorite response to "I'm not being fed" is "Babies are fed. Adults feed themselves." Kind of jerky but it's a good point.
Matt - that is a good point. Although no church is perfect hopefully they are trying to give people the answers they seek. That is the job of the church!
Eric- That is exactly the way I think too!
Gina, we have heard these excuses and many more over the years. And that is what they usually are - excuses. People need to realize that every church is composed of sinners learning how to be more like Jesus, and no one has perfected that yet.
Dad tries to stretch people's ideas of living a Christian life inside and outside the church. Many don't want to be stretched, just to be comfortable.
We all need to pray for our churches and others within the church, that we can be a lighthouse for our Lord.
I'm sorry about your friends leaving. It is very difficult on the pastor and his family, especially when people leave without sharing their reasons with him. Many just don't tell anyone, just leave and never show up again.
love, Mom
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